Why do people drive 4x4s / SUVs in cities?
- They're scared. Driving around in a tank protects them from people like you and me. They think we are going to rob them or their precious kids. So treat these drivers carefully. Smile, to show you are not a danger to them. No sudden movements. Back away from the vehicle.
- They're egomaniacs. It makes them stand out from the crowd. Have you noticed how many 4x4s also have a personalised (vanity) numberplate? This is no coincidence. "An instant personality for people who fear they haven't got one of their own".
- They're hostile: borderline sociopaths. Their cars are not just big - they are designed to look ugly, imposing and menacing. A 4x4 / SUV says "F*** off" as clearly as if it was etched on the windscreen.
How to annoy them
- Many 4x4s look similar to a London taxi cab. Pretend you think they're a taxi, and put out your arm to hail them. Then realise your 'mistake' and wave and smile to acknowlege it. This works particularly well with those huge, black, menacing jobs (Lard Rovers). It's the perfect put-down, because you are entirely innocent, while their pride and joy now feels like a humble cab. Tends to work best in London.
- Look closely at their vehicle while chewing meaningfully on a piece of straw. This is to subtly reinforce the insulting expression "Chelsea tractor", which they are of course aware of. You are implying that their vehicle belongs in a farmyard, and they are a bumpkin. Works best in the UK. (If you can't get straw, a blade of grass will do.)
- Get the name wrong. In the UK, refer to these cars as "4 by 2s" not "4 by 4s". A 4 by 2 is an expression from the building trade meaning a very stupid person (a 4x2 being a thick plank of wood). In the US, call it an "SUC".